I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
