hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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