i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
