I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
