Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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