"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
