meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
