you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
