You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
