Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
