I feel like I'm in dance class right now
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
