i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
