3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I think my vagina is haunted
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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