i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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