nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I need water and some morals
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
