just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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