fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
