hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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