eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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