too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
