Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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