6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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