when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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