I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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