I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
