You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize