Nicole vs. Life
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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