Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
