whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
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