break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You're like the curious george of whores
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
