exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
