I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
