TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize