Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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