After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
