he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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