somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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