You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I did not marry a roomba.
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