NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
