What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
