i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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