you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So much rum. So many feels.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
