I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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