Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I will be naked everywhere
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
