Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
