put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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