You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
