Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
