she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
