I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
