can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
