just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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