Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
