did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
