I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
