I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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