the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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