Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
