i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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