I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
