R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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