Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
