Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
