i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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