so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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