Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
My bed smells like the plague
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
