Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize