i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
