I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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